And one I was recently asked by *Matt, who I’ve been working with on and off for years.
When things go wrong, he’d reach out, we’d work together. We would do great work; things would get better and then we’d stop.
We were coming to the end of one of these cycles. Things have been bad. Now they were good. But this time, he asked the question, “Should I stop life coaching with you when things are good?”
He doesn’t need coaching. He’s no longer in anguish or emotional pain.
He also knows not everyone stops working with their coach when things get good. But he always has. What should he do?
I get it. Whilst some of you hope I’ll never die (bless you), others proclaim that they don’t want to still be working with me when they’re old and grey. We’re all different and what we perceive to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ varies between individuals.
Therefore, asking yourself, when should I stop life coaching is a reasonable question.
So, what should you do? Stop life coaching when things are good? Keep going with coaching and make good great?
My answer? Well, it depends. Here are my thoughts on when you should stop life coaching and when you should continue.
There’s no doubt in your mind. No mental ping pong of ‘should I?’. No inner resistance to doing the work. The work feels simply done.
This feels good. And it feels a lot like #1 above.
Never good. You should always feel your coach has your back. Even when they push you. It’s time to find a new coach. You deserve more.
Life Coaching takes time and money. When you can’t afford the time or the money, press pause. However, discuss this with your coach. They should be happy to set you up with a plan going forward, without them.
Life coaching does not treat mental health conditions. Nor should it be a substitute to mental health care. When you need the big guns, get psychiatric help. You can always work with your life coach again in the future.
I recently stopped working with a fabulous woman. She came to me wanting to explore whether she should have biological children, or not. Her biological clock was ticking. And it was complicated. If she did want children, it probably meant the end of her current relationship. Whilst the relationship was good, there was a tiny niggle at the back of her mind. She wanted to explore this too.
We worked together for over a year. She explored herself. She got her answers. She did want a biological child. Chaos did erupt in her relationship. But she was clear. And she worked to align her life to her truth. Eventually, her relationship ended. Then another surprisingly began. This man wanted children. And he wanted to parent in the same way she did.
Our work was successfully done. It was now time to discuss her next steps.
There was nothing else for her to explore. No other goal to work towards. We both agreed to have one final appointment where we celebrated her success, mapped out her next steps and affirmed that the door would always be open to her in the future. This allowed us to consciously part on a high.
Consciously ending relationships are empowering.
So, when you feel it’s time to stop your life coaching, discuss this with your coach. This is feels so much better than simply disappearing.
Now sometimes you want to stop your life coaching but you may benefit from continuing.
I mean personally challenging. Coaching should at times feel challenging. Because of this, you might not always like your coach. Experiencing inner resistance is common. It’s can also be sign you’re on the cusp of a breakthrough.
Finding it hard to face your coach when things are bad, you haven’t done what you agreed to or you feel like a total failure, isn’t a good reason to stop. It’s a great reason to stay. A good coach holds up a mirror. Not liking what you see or how you feel is part of what may need to change. Go to your appointment. Discuss how you feel. Confess/cringe/rant to your coach. Be honest. If what was set feels too hard, say so. Life coaching is not only about resilience. It’s also about honesty and self-love. When you show up and you’re honest when you don’t to be there, you are breaking through.
You know you can do more. Explore more. Connect more. Achieve more. You’re not ready to stop. So, don’t. Keep going! There are no rules on how long you should work with your Life Coach. As long as you get value and great support, keep going! Becoming more of yourself is invaluable. And something’s can only be explored when you are ready.
So, you’re not a lone wolf. Contrary to popular culture, you are not designed to be. No human is. If life with your coach is better than life without your coach, keep your coach.
Unconditional, unbiased support from your coach, is different from the love from family and friends. If you don’t want to lose that, don’t.
*Matt has decided not to stop life coaching, even though all is good. He said, “What if there’s a little, helpful thing? A tiny thing than can have a more positive effect than I can imagine. I think I want to keep going, Zoe. Let’s see what unfolds if I keep going.”
I am delighted for him! To keep going, to explore and deepen your connection to yourself and the universe when things are good is a very different experience than getting help when things are bad. It gives us an opportunity to build upon what’s currently working. Something we haven’t done before. That’s exciting.
Whether he’s still with me when he’s old and grey, who knows! I know I will continue to be available for as long as I believe I’m adding value and providing great support.
It’s a personal decision when to stop life coaching. But making that decision consciously, together with your coach, is always the most beneficial way to stop.
A great life coach is there to support you, right to the end, after all.
Here’s to you!
If it’s time for you to find a new Life Coach, download my free e-book, How to Find the Right Life Coach for You.
*Name has been changed.
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