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Finding the Courage Within

The Courage Within

We at Heart2Shine, are incredibly fortunate to come across amazing people, some of whom have incredible courage. We help people for a living, so we’re not usually there for life’s good times but for their more difficult times. Everyone of us- including us- will experience good and bad times. Part of what we want to do is to help you during some of those more challenging times.

I’ve asked Fiona, a dear friend and colleague of mine, to contribute her story. She is a remarkable woman who has experienced great highs and great lows in her life. The one thing she learned, and agreed to share with her story, is the importance of finding the ability to dig deep within when things are going wrong. That takes courage.

A Story of Finding the Courage Within

"I’m Fiona and this is about my journey with cancer as a young woman. Specifically, my personal experience of having a fourth recurrence of stage 4 cancer.

Ten years ago whilst on holiday in New Zealand I felt a lump in my right breast. It was Christmas day. I didn’t say anything to anybody as I knew it wasn’t going to amount to anything. I then spent year being treated for breast cancer: chemo, radio, 2 lumpectomies (they didn’t get it all the first time) and hormonal treatment. It was awful: I felt very sick, very sad and was very bald. However, I was determined to be the best, strongest cancer survivor ever and bought every book, changed my diet, started meditating, went to the wonderful Gawler Foundation self help centre and saw complementary practitioners. Being that strong cancer survivor was a scary and lonely time for me.

I got married to my long-term partner and moved country (back to Scotland). We looked for somewhere to live and my husband looked for a new job. I attended a Brandon Bays Journey Workshop soon after and later that day I found another lump…having just “forgiven God for the first cancer” which is as part of the Journey process.

This time it was pretty much the same story except, I was told that it was also in my ribs. I mustered my courage again.

But it wasn’t over- history repeated itself a third time. This repetition lasted several years. At the time I felt very much that my life was unfair and everyone had better luck than me. But I mustered my courage again- I continued to do all the health giving things that I’d found and sought out even more: chi gung, raw foods, healers- and even training as a healer. However, I also felt lost. I had no job or career and whilst I was busy being a great cancer survivor, I felt I had lost a lot of myself as well as my confidence.

Then six years ago, in October 2011, a routine scan picked up cancer nodules in my lungs and bones- breast cancer secondary’s. I was terrified. I understood the medical community believed that breast cancer secondary’s are “incurable” and capable of spreading fast.

This was the situation that I had been dreading ever since I was first diagnosed with early breast cancer 8 years before. I became more and more terrified as the cancer did worsen really quickly despite all my efforts. I was soon struggling to walk or stand and my hips were very painful. The cancer by this point had eaten holes in my hips (and other places) and was widespread throughout my skeleton. I could hardly breathe with several litres of water on my lungs. I was also vomiting regularly, day and night. I wasn’t ready to give in so I went to a private integrated clinic in Germany. The treatment knocked my immune system and I ended up having several emergency blood transfusions and hospital admissions.

Looking back at that time, I don’t know how I kept going but I did; even when nothing appeared to be working. I had and still have the deep knowing that anything can be cured or healed. There is evidence from a number of case studies on all types of illness to suggest this. But my knowledge of energy medicine and trust in the power of God shored up my belief.

There are far too many knock backs, needles and cases of being cut up to mention here. But things continued to get worse- a brain scan showed I also had cancer on my brain. I had been down but this was my rock bottom. I was terrified of the conventional treatment offered to me and terrified of this cancerous monster attacking my brain and how that might affect me. I decided not to tell people- I didn’t want to freak them out.

As I had become used to, the diagnosis brought an emotional crash which did subsided, was replaced by real anger and a “how dare it” attitude.

I had had enough and was even more determined to become completely healthy. I upped my natural healing regime and really tried to surrender to the will of God, whatever that be. The healing from my healer in Forres was helping as was the new chemo I was on. I was really helped by reading, “Dying to be me” by Anita Moorjani. It describes an incredible near death experience after she almost died from cancer. After coming back to life, out of a coma, her body recovers completely from cancer. Her message, amongst others, is to surrender and love yourself.

Then I had my own amazing miracles in the latter part of 2012- the cancer healed completely from my brain and my lungs. I cannot begin to explain how amazing that felt! I am so grateful for my body’s ability to heal! It demonstrated to me its ability to do brilliant things!

My story isn’t over though…

Cancer has become more active in my lungs again. This scared me and made me question my faith in my own ability to heal. Sometimes I wonder if I am just plain mad! Luckily, there are enough people to reassure and support me.

I know a lot of people who struggle with this- some of whom do deteriorate and pass over. Although I find it really painful, I remind myself that everything is temporary and to see them in their divine light as beautiful strong beings.

At the moment I am continuing to work on getting as healthy as possible and raising my vibration by experiencing as much love and gratitude as I can. But it is all really tough on so many levels and in so many ways. My biggest challenge is facing enormous fear and staying in a space of surrender and love and gratitude.

My determination to find answers and heal myself has taken me all over the globe to meet and work with all sorts of people and methods that without cancer I probably would never have found."

We all need to find courage. And no matter what life brings, by digging deep, you can find yours. 

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